Why do you do that??

Act your age. Don't be so serious. Work harder. Why don't you ever take time for yourself? Lose weight. Learn to love your body. Be nicer. Stop being such a pushover.

Be yourself, but do it only with our approval.


No matter what you do or how you present yourself, you are going to have more critics than admirers.

And if you are like me, you are your "own worst critic" (and now I'm judging myself for using such a glaring cliché, ugghhh).

The truth is that no one is perfect (another cliché-why, Sara, why?!), including you. Finding balance between maturity and humor,  work and play, conformity and open-mindedness, self-sacrifice and healthy narcissism, is impossible.

We all know that we should stop judging ourselves and others, but this knowledge doesn't dwindle our judgment. It just makes us judge ourselves and others for being judgmental. 


One thing that might help you learn to be more accepting of people's faults (including your own) is to realize that there are always reasons for behaviors, habits, and thought patterns.

An intriguing thing that I realized today is that the reason for both our sins and our good deeds is the same: with both vice and virtue, we are seeking positive emotion and fleeing negative emotion. I overeat for the same reason why I write novels-because it feels good. And I avoid pushing myself into new situations (where I might, heaven forbid!, learn something) for the same reason why I avoid keeping a hungry lion for a pet-because it's scary.

We cannot help it; it is natural to chase after pleasure and run away from pain. We can, however, learn discipline, the art of paying for later pleasure with current pain. But it must be acknowledged that discipline is easier for some people to master than others (because the act of exercising discipline is inherently pleasurable for some people, but not for others!).

If you are trying to learn self-acceptance like me, perhaps this is something to remember. Rather than judging ourselves for our shortcomings, we should acknowledge where they came from and gently work towards remedying them. 

Creating Your Own Internal Happiness

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how great my new life in Madison, including my awesome job, was for my mental health. I wrote about how most of my symptoms had all but disappeared.

Well...I may have lost my job. My boss told me that if I didn't learn how to have confidence in my interactions with clients in two weeks, I would be out the door. And the thing is that confidence is not something that can be learned in two years, let alone two weeks. Can I just forget how all my friends abandoned me when I was a scared twelve year old girl experiencing her first bipolar episode? Can I just erase the consequences of years of feeling worthless due to repeated depressions? In two weeks?!

So, I've pretty much lost my job. And I've really been struggling with it. I feel worthless, incompetent, hopeless, cursed. I feel depressed, but it is not depression because it is situational. It is grief.

And it got me to thinking...it is great that when our lives are going well, we feel happy. That is an awesome thing. But fortune is fickle, and inevitably, probably sooner rather than later, everything will come crashing down. C'est la vie.

So, we need to somehow build an internally driven happiness. How in the name of Freud, Schneider, and Kraeplin do we do that?!

I think the trite answers of "take your meds and go to therapy!" are definitely a good starting place, but what else can be done?

We can take care of our physical bodies-eat well, exercise, go to the doctor when we are sick, get enough sleep...it is hard, but I have heard that it is worth it. (Though I have a confession: as I pen these words, I am sipping a black forest mocha and eating a slice of lemon cake. Oops! Haha.)

We can learn a ton of healthy coping skills that we can draw on when things get hard. I've been working on this for about the past year. Deep breathing, progressive relaxation, and herbal tea for anxiety. Brisk walks, sleep restriction, and distraction to deal with low mood and depression. I've got a treasure chest of coping skills, and I am committed to learning more.

We can reach out to others. This is something that I am admittedly terrible at, but with this recent setback I have actually been doing really well at finding people to listen to me as I vent my pain and disappointment. I've reached out to my parents, my friend Mark, and my friend Kim. It makes me feel a little better. By building a good support network when we are not in the midst of some crisis, we also give ourselves a little protection against the hard times. Depression has a harder time getting at someone who is socially protected!

I'm sure that there are other ways to build a happiness that can shine like a bright lamp when the night comes. Can you think of any? Comment below.